A Series of Unfortunate Dates
by emoly01
Summary: After hearing Roy brag to the boys at work about his last date, Ed decided to give Roy an earful, affecting all of Roy's future dates.


I was sitting in the usual cafe after my morning run. I stirred my coffee absently, making a mental list of things I needed to do for the day. It was nice outside, sunlight bouncing off the white table I sat at, so I didn't look down at the table like I normally would have, just looking up and watching people walk by. I had to call one of my six sisters about her birthday and meet up with one of my two brothers to hook him up with a recording studio. I sipped my coffee in the tranquility of the early morning. At work, we were getting new shipments and I had to organize them and bring them to the warehouse. The list went on and I was almost done with it when I saw the man.

He smiled at me like he did every morning. I smiled timidly back, like every morning. I knew very little about him. We'd been doing this since I moved here about two months ago. He'd walk by in a blue uniform, clearly a high ranking officer in the military. He'd smile and nod politely. I'd return the gesture and whatever I'd been thinking about would flee my mind as fantasies filled my head of actually saying something to him one day.

Not that day, though, because I had a busy day ahead of me and a lot of paperwork to fill out. I needed to prioritize - but those thoughts fled from my mind as a shadow fell over the table. I looked up at the intruder of my personal space and found him - dark hair and dashing smile and everything.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "I don't mean to interrupt your morning coffee."

I flushed and brushed my hair behind my ear. It was too short to be feminine, but I liked the way it looked better this way. My hand brushed against my earrings, and I wondered if there was anything on my face or if my breath smelled like coffee. I murmured quietly, not looking up at him any longer, "It's not a problem. Did... did you need something?" I dared to glance up at him again and found him still smiling.

He answered, "Sort of." Then he shook himself and apologized again. "I'm sorry. I'm Roy Mustang." He held out his hand for me. I took the gloved hand reluctantly. What could he possibly want with me? I fumbled for some response as I shook his hand and let it go. His hand was firm, and I knew my own was feeble in comparison.

"Terry," I whispered, "Terry Kingsley."

"Terry," he replied with a wide smile. "It's a cute name; it fits you." My cheeks set aflame. I had flirted before with men I knew decently well, but with a stranger! So cute, too! "I'm in a hurry," he said, tone apologetic, "but I was wondering if you would have dinner with me sometime." My heart hammered at the words.

"Oh my," I whispered breathlessly, "Of course, but - I don't want to keep you." I reached through my purse, not wanting to look at him, sexy as he was, and completely sure my cheeks were cherry red. I pulled out a pen and scribbled my number on a napkin, then my name on top. I handed it to him without looking up. "Just, uh, give me a call, and we'll set up a date."

He beamed at me. "I definitely will."

Roy laughed. The outer office around his private office was filled with men. He stood on the center table, his subordinates seated in chairs around the table, appropriately at his feet, looking up at him in admiration, as they should have been. He was in the middle of recounting his date, and had just gotten to the part where he invited her inside. Hawkeye wasn't going to be back for another two hours, so he was using that precious time wisely.

Ed entered the office at that moment, and raised an eyebrow. He hadn't expected the gleam in Havoc's eyes, almost melancholy, the uncomfortable expression Fury wore, or the shit eating grin on Breda's face. Roy's confident smirk and over developed tale, however, he expected. "...and she, poor timid creature, couldn't resist my overwhelming charms. I inched closer and kissed her. I had to be gentle of course, or I would have scared her off..." Ed rolled his eyes and snorted gently. He folded his arms and leaned against the door to listen to the tale. Just to gather evidence of his bastard behavior.

Roy's story went on basically to say that he shagged a chick named Terry and that he was really awesome and she was really timid and inexperienced, but tight as hell. Ed scoffed at the end of the story where he left her while she was asleep with a note saying he'd had fun but didn't want a lasting relationship with anyone currently.

"If you actually had balls, you'd go on at least two dates with one girl," Ed snapped. All sets of eyes in the room bore into his skull, but he ignored them all, meeting Roy's smug gaze before slapping his report on the table at Roy's feet and turning on his heel to leave the room.

I was sitting at home, eating a container of yogurt when I got the call. I remember because the room was really cluttered and I'd been sitting on the couch with my feet up all day, and my pitbull was lying next to me. I was thinking about his stink, and wondering if I should clean up the cluttered coffee table when the phone rang. I stuck the spoon back in the yogurt and picked up the phone, purring into it, "Hello," hoping it was an ex boyfriend. It was close enough.

"Hello, Barbara. I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Roy said smoothly.

My lips curled into a sly smile on reflex. "Roy Mustang. How can I help you?"

He returned evenly, "I was hoping for some refined company tonight at six."

I laughed. "Of course, Roy. I'll see you then." He said his farewells and I hung up. If I was going to have Roy Mustang in my house that night, I needed to clean up. So I spent the day doing just that, answering the phone to tell my girlfriends that I needed to skip out on my trip that night for a little piece of Roy. They all knew what I meant, of course. All of my girlfriends know what I mean when I say I got a piece of Roy. I got dressed for the date, too.

He arrived at six, perfectly on time like he was the other time we went out. He was dressed smartly, because he knew I liked a little formal action before we did the nasty. I smiled at him, and let my red dress cling to my hips, well aware of how wide they were, and how the dress was designed to draw attention to my cleavage. I'd let my blond hair down, and curled a few spots for effect.

He smiled at me like he always did. "Evening, Barbara."

I couldn't help but smile back. "Oh, Roy. You're so dashing." I closed the door behind me, and clung gladly to his arm. Maybe he thought I was his arm candy for that night, but it was just the opposite. I was showcasing him. I got Roy Mustang twice. How many girls could say that much? Not many, I'll tell you. And I was proud, and glad, and we had wild sex when we returned from dinner.

Roy's tale was even wilder this time. No longer were his subordinates staring at him in admiration, but in awe. He'd began standing on the table, but as his tale brought him to her bedroom, he had hopped off the table and began pacing, throwing his hands in the air and gesturing wildly, almost as wild as the sex had been. He'd purposefully started with Ed in the room this time, and Hawkeye was off running some errands again.

Throughout the story, Ed had made noises of disgust or disbelief, never relenting on Roy's story. It drew to a close with her telling him that it was fun, but she didn't expect a call or anything, and then him leaving. Everyone looked to Ed for his retaliation, and found exactly what they wanted. Ed glared at Roy and snapped, "Try actually telling a girl to her face that _you_ don't want to see _her _more than once, and maybe I'll be impressed." He shoved his report against Roy's chest and turned heel again, all eyes boring into his head once more.

I sipped coyly from my drink on purpose, my eyes glued on Roy's. He'd called me out, and I'd never been with him personally, but I knew his reputation. God damn sexy, he was. The stories I heard did not do him any justice. My eyes crawled away from his, and traveled around his cute face down to his broad shoulders. My lips curved in a smile, and I was content with this silence, the staring contest, the intense looking.

He cleared his throat and said softly, "I just want to make sure that you understand my intentions. I probably won't see you again after tonight." I knew this already, and couldn't help but laugh at the gentleness. Did he think I was a blushing virgin? That I didn't know his game? Our gazes locked, and I understood why other girls liked him so much, more than his physical appearance.

My lips parted and I whispered, "You're classy, Roy. It's sexy."

Roy smirked triumphantly at Ed, his arms crossed and chin held high. He'd done what Ed had requested yet again, and still got laid. Ed was once more leaning against the doorway, and had made his usual protesting noises throughout the story. Again, everyone watched the exchange, although some people instead watched Roy instead of Ed.

"Maybe I haven't made myself clear," Ed said at last, tossing his report onto the floor at Roy's feet, glaring wholeheartedly at the man. "Stop screwing around and be serious with a girl for once, and maybe you'll be a little less disgusting to me." He turned around and grabbed the doorknob, the words hanging in the air, heavy with implication.

"Maybe I can't be serious with a girl," Roy called after him. Ed paused, the doorknob turned already, waiting for Roy to continue. Everyone except Ed stared at Roy dumbfounded, wondering where he was headed with this. "Maybe I want to be serious with someone, but I can't be. Maybe I'm stuck with superficial relationships because I can't have anything else." Ed turned around and met Roy's serious gaze, wondering exactly what that meant, but underneath it all, understanding perfectly. Roy loved someone and couldn't act on it.

"It doesn't excuse reckless behavior," Ed replied, threateningly quiet. Roy didn't try to stop the boy as he turned around once more and left the office. He heard the whispers from his subordinates and flashed them all a forced smile.

I loved his hands on me. He gripped my hip hard with one hand, the other rubbing up and down my waist and belly. I loved feeling this way; his lips trailed on my neck and collarbone, but that wasn't what left my mouth hanging open, gasping for breath. It was how he felt inside me, rhythmically pumping in and out. Pleasure sang through my whole body as he moved, and wherever his hands touched left a fire of nerves. My naturally occurring bodily chemicals ran through my veins, my nerves catching every sensation of him, calm and collected and sexy and confident. He knew exactly how to tweak my nipple when he thrusted into my body, exactly how to get me to moan with one hand on my clit - but this, this was heaven.

At long last, he was inside my body, aching as it had been with need, slick and hot. I clenched around him, unable to stop my body's natural reaction, unable to keep from orgasming a second time. A hand grabbed my hair and tugged, sending a slight sharp pain through my head, accenting the pleasure he brought between my legs. Blessed friction brought me to cry out. He moaned lowly, a husky sound. My name. "Mina." My heels pressed harder into his back to urge him to go deeper. His movements became erratic, and he released his load, relaxing after several tense moments. I tried to catch my breath. He slid out of my body, leaving me cold, and crawled out of bed immediately.

I frowned. He wasn't leaving already? No cuddling, no numbers, no smiles? He looked exhausted as he pulled up his pants. It hurt to think he was going already. "Sorry," he apologized without looking at me. Coward. "I need to get home." I shook my head. He couldn't even be a man about it and look at me. I was proven wrong as he looked up and met my gaze. His expression moved me to pity.

"Was it me?" I couldn't help but ask. I knew the answer.

He shook his head. "No. I'm sorry to have used you; it was wrong of me." I suddenly didn't feel so bad that he was leaving. He forced a brief smile as he got dressed, and left. I listened to the door slam closed and sighed heavily. What had driven him out? I had no idea.

Roy sat in his inner office for once. He'd spent the entire day in there, not leaving to brag about his latest date when Riza went to do some errands. He read papers, and scribbled some signatures, and basically tried to avoid thinking about both his date and the blond who had driven him out of his date's home the previous night. It was hard not to think of that person when he worked with the blond.

Hawkeye opened the door and saluted him. "Sir, I have more papers for you. Should I have Havoc send them in?"

Roy scowled at Hawkeye's voice. "Lieutenant. When did Fullmetal become so keen?"

She blinked owlishly at him. "Sir?"

He smiled wanly at her. "He saw right through me and my dates."

Her shoulders dropped a little. "Permission to speak freely, sir?" He nodded wordlessly, watching her, eyes trailing on her face. She was pretty today. She was pretty _every_ day. She smiled sadly. "You're easy to see through. But it doesn't matter as long as you achieve your goals, sir." He looked back down at his desk, unseeing. He rubbed his eyes and sighed heavily. He heard the soft clack of boots as she approached and walked around his desk. A warm hand touched his shoulder. "Do anything you can to keep focused. Even if it means Fullmetal finds out about your infatuation." He reached up blindly and took her hand.  
"I know," he murmured. "I'll give up anything to become Fuhrer."

"And I'll give up anything to help."

Author's Note:

I don't usually write one of these, but I had a few things to say about this piece. First of all, it began with me wondering what kind of girl Roy actually dates in the show. I came up with a few characters. Terry was meant to be a timid virgin. The next girl was supposed to be typically classy in public, but wild and crazy in private. The third girl actually has a back story and a real personality, although her date was probably the shortest one I wrote. She's supposed to be a whore, basically, but that's beside the point. The last girl was just supposed to be really clingy.

Also, who is Roy infatuated with? It was supposed to be ambiguous and I'm a little afraid I gave the wrong impression while writing it. Who do you guys think it is?


End file.
